Reddit Relationship Advice – I broke up with him and blocked him.
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I believe that you should break up for good. He’s a walking red flag. Be prepared for an argument, it’s bound to happen. Breath deeply, maybe have a close friend nearby, someone you trust completely that may be able to get you out of the situation if it gets bad.
About not getting convinced, that’s up to you and what you choose to believe. From what you exposed, he doesn’t have his priorities in order and it’s not going to change. It’s a matter of personality, not something a person can change willingly from one day to the next.
I hope you can manage it and get rid of a man like that. You’re still young, find someone who is willing to build a home with you. Your “Roommate” is not it.
You can definitely support yourself, you managed to do it for both for three months. And you deserve a chance to meet someone who wants to support you and be there for you, and pull his weight.
But in order for you to have space for this lovely man that will treat you right you need to get rid of the literal child who runs away from the job after 2 weeks to go hang out with friends. He also deserves a chance to go back to his mom, which is clearly what he’s after
It’s really simple, “You refuse to help out and expect me to carry your lazy butt and I’m over it. Goodbye.”Repeat as necessary while working out whether he needs to be evicted or you leave and go to a new place. Seriously you carried his a*s for three months, he gets a job, pitches a lying hissy fit about paying bills AND then has the nerve to decide,
“Nah, I wanna play with my friends, Girlfriend will cover my dumb a*s like she always has.” Nope. Remind yourself the person he is now is NOT the person you signed up to be partners with. Also if any utilities are in his name, get those turned off. Change the WiFi password. Make sure he can’t drive your car. Buy your own food and put a lock on the fridge. Invite friends to stay at your place. Whatever it takes to make it so uncomfortable he simply leaves, because he’s no longer being supported. Just do that. He’s a fecking gold digger and he can go do his mining elsewhere.
“I barely managed to and whilst I was losing my sanity just trying to keep afloat he would just cry about how he feels bad that I have to pay for everything and would do nothing to support me”
Any man that cries about supporting himself, to be quite frank, is dead weight. I don’t know what fantasy land he lives in, but that’s not the way the world works. At age 27 he should know better.
I don’t know about you two’s living arrangement, as in who is on the lease and other bills, etc., but as opposed to listen to his crying and justifications, I would focus my energy on the action plan of being a single, unencumbered person if I was in your shoes. That would be more productive.
And think about it this way: He obviously doesn’t want to work and doesn’t contribute. The only tangible thing he can possibly do is argue, cry, and try to wear you down emotionally and mentally. Word of advice to you, OP:
Never let some man that has effectively neutered himself try to control you. He has to know he’s powerless here, and that’s where all that anger and desperation is coming from. You are the master of your destiny here, not him.
Ask yourself if you can live like this forever. When the chips are down he not only doesn’t help but accuses you of lying about your money and finances. What would happen if something worse happens? What if you lost your job? What if you got an expensive illness? What if you had kids? What if you bought a home and he decides it’s all responsibility?
Whom are you going to lean on when those chips are down? Obviously not your partner.
He’s a piece of sh*t, OP, and I’m so glad you dumped him so fast. Don’t back down. You’ll waste your youth and your life.
Firstly congratulations you did the right thing! Be strong because as soon as he got fired from his job, he would try to live on you full-time.
Then talk to landlord about breaking the lease saying that you have money to cover until the end of the month and happy to help you find a new tenant as your roommate lost his job so he won’t be able to pay.
Do you have family? Can you move back home? If not looking for the new place to live. Better with the roommate so it would be harder for him to try.
As an older woman who has had to dump many men, my first bit of advice is that you never break up with a man while you are not at home. You may come home to find your place cleaned out. He could steal all your stuff while you are at work. A co-worker of mine had this happen to her.
Get the locks changed immediately if it is Your house, and tell him he can come get his things when you are at home. One of my exes tried to come with his brother while I was at work, but NOPE, I already had the locks changed. So my own brother volunteered to be at the house with me in case I needed protection while my ex and his brother came to collect his stuff. As soon as you tell someone that you want to break up with them, their personality can change right in front of you. They can become aggressive and violent, and show a side of them that you never saw before. Yes it happened to me.
My 2nd bit of advice is to definitely live with someone before marrying, because you truly do not know a person until living together. I don’t know where you live, but in the USA there are tons of men who are more than happy to use women for their money, and they don’t feel bad about it. I keep getting stuck with men like this because I am a kind and caring person. There are 2 kinds if people in this world, Givers and Takers. The Takers will always use you for money and will Not change. Run and don’t look back !!!
I’m sorry your relationship ended, but honestly you just started the process to dodge a bullet. You had a child, not a boyfriend.
It’s going to be uncomfortable while you try to find another place to live, or kick him out to go back to his parent’s house, but stay strong. Don’t take him back. Take some time to objectively think about a guy who was completely happy to sponge off you for 3 months, then abandon a job because he worked hard for 2 days…
This guy is NOT the kind of guy you build a happy, low stress, future with.
Walk away. My wife put up with a loser for 10 years. Dragged her in debt bad, lost her house moves a few states away then fought her for the kids with no job and living at his moms who came out of retirement to support him.
You don’t want to deal with that. Fortunately I make ood money and was able to get her legal help and set up a future for her kids.
The arguing about not paying the bills makes him an a*shole… Once is just a*sholeness, but any more of that behavior would be crossing a line. But what completely broke it is him no showing at his work and not calling in after he has been jobless for 4 months! Like WHAT THE F*CK?
If I was you, I’d be kicking hiss a*s out and breaking up as well. Like what the f*ck even is that behavior? It does bode well if you had kids with him and he this careless about the consequences for his actions. Kick him out and if you can’t kick him out then you have to leave, even if you have to stay with parents for a few weeks.
It doesn’t matter what he says, you need to leave. You wanted a child in a couple years with him, not be the equivalent of a single mother with a grown child now. If you both agreed that he would stay at home and be a home maker that’s one thing but he’s acting like a spoiled teenager at almost 30 years old.
If you let it go you’re telling him it’s okay. You have to be firm and set your boundaries, people only treat you how you let them and will do whatever they know they can get away with. If he doesn’t care about the utilities then he can get out, you take care of yourself and find a real partner. You clearly want a family, I don’t think you’d want someone like that as an example for your children, and what happens when you add little ones to that already impossible situation? Don’t confuse sunken cost with current value, it’s important to know when to cut your losses and run. There’s plenty of men that at bare minimum will support themselves and more still that would be willing to support themselves and you I’m sure since you seem really nice and caring. Don’t settle, you’re a 24 year old woman, you’ve got plenty of options
I’m guilty of falling into a similar spiral. I’ll end the relationship, and then remember the good times we had, and how nice the good was.
What I’ve found to be helpful for me is writing down why I broke up with then in the first place. That way, when my head gets lost in the allure, I can come back to that and ground myself.
He sounds like he takes your support for granted, and needs a dose of reality. I wish you the best of luck going forward.
Yas queen you are a precious one of a kind find, and you deserve the world not this boy scrub sorry a*s excuse for a man. Level up gawdess and leave this fockboy deep in the past and don’t look back, leave that boy toy on the bottom shelf where he belongs, he’s total garbage and you are an absolute gift,
so you deserve the top tier man treasure 100 PERCENT because you are a top tier gorgeous pirate and you were born to rights on that top tier booty queen! Hells yasss queen, you go get yours and don’t stop until those royal feet have been kissed by every peasant boy in the land who knows how much you should be appreciated, who understands that 3 months worth rent is like basically almost enough to feed a small country, who sees you for the hero we all know you are, and doesn’t ever let you forget it bae. This world is your oyster because you are an absolute pearl. Shine on queen shine on!! Shake dat thang around the house but don’t even acknowledge his petty existence. You win queen, +1 for team gawdess.
I was a bit of an idiot at 27. But not this much of an idiot. You’re not his GF, you’re his mom.If you weren’t there paying his way, trust me, he would pull his finger out and get a job.
He doesn’t need to whilst you are paying his way. When I was 29 I took a long look at myself. I was an ex soldier and working as a Healthcare Auxiliary with little prospects. I did my degree, people noticed. Now I work in that same hospital as the Management Accountant for Children and Family Services. Dumping him and giving him a wake call, could be the best thing you ever do for him.
He is too immature and irresponsible; I think that you deserve better. Start setting up an exit strategy and get a lawyer’s advice. Don’t ask him to pay a bill, tell him to pay a bill.
Does he often shirk responsibilities to spend time with his friends? Apparently, you have no control of his money, make sure that you do the same and not let him have ANY. This is no way to behave in a relationship with you.
I wish he could’ve realized that he could go out with his friends and still show up for work the next day. Like I get celebrating “hey I finally got work again”. This was just irresponsible and he’s holding the relationship back.
I’m sorry this happened. I recommend moving out of course and I’d get my stuff out of there as quickly as I can.
As for the lease, it might be a a situation where you’re stuck paying but it’s so much better for you to be somewhere else. Even if you’re crashing on a couch of a loving friend or family.